I can't help it.

For the record I am typing this post because, to be quite honest I need to vent.
This is to me a major shake up in my life and in order for me to grow I need to get my feelings out.
I am not posting this on facebook. Just my blog. And if people happen to read it that's ok. I am human I have feelings.
Saturday was a good day. Started out great. I had set in my mind that I was going to have a fun day. And what's the best way to have a fun day than to have a "family fun day." We first got some work out of the way. Matt took a load to the dump and we helped him load the trailer to take it another day. After we got that taken care of we took the the boys and went with Nana and Papa to my nephew's state rugby game. That was not the end of family fun day. Afterwards we surprised the boys and took them to Hollywood Connection. It was so fun. The boys surprisingly were very good at and way into the mini golfing. Matt played right along with them. It was so fun to watch him teach them how to hold the club and hit the ball right. (One of Matt's favorite pass times is golf.) We had a blast riding the rides and just having fun together. On our way home Matt had the idea to stop and get the boys pizza and dessert. We took it home, ate and had fun talking about our fun day. The boys needed to take a bath for church the next day. So Matt made them a deal. He'd quickly run to get a Redbox movie if they'd be bathed and in PJ's before he got home. He'd put out the couch bed and we'd watch Gnomeo and Juliet. Mason really wanted to go with Matt. I took him into the bathroom while Matt slipped out the door.
5 min. Later the phone rang. Mind you I still haven't gotten Mason into the bath. Matt's mom comes and tells me I need to go to Matt. He's been in an accident. I started to get my shoes on thinking I'll be right back. She say's maybe you should have Dad go with you. I am so very happy he did. I wasn't prepared for what I saw when we drove up. I saw Matt's car and for a split second didn't realize that it was his. It hit me and I jumped out of the car before Woody could even undo his seat belt. Thankfully his car looked worse than him. He couldn't remember what had happened. He kept asking me the same questions over and over. Things were very fuzzy to him. He hit his head so hard he had a concussion.
We took him to the ER. But before we did we stopped at home Matt kissed the boys and his Dad gave him a blessing. We are so thankful for the prayers that immediately went out in our behalf. Within an hour of me running out the door. I had heard from so many family members that were worried.
He was blessed after all the x rays and cat scans. To have no broken bones. But he did do damage. We need to take him to an orthapedic to find out what's causing the swelling and pain in his collar bone. And his shoulder is separated. He messed up his knee. Busted up his nose. And is in a lot of pain. This is very hard for me to sit back and watch. I hate seeing him in pain. He is hurting. He tries to say it's not that bad but he's not ok. I am MAD! Why did this have to happen? We were having such a good day. It hurts to see him not being able to do the things he loves. He is one of the best dads I know. He loves to play, wrestle, lift and just be fun with his boys. Let alone give them a hug. So yes I am Angry! I watched today as he came in the door after school. The boys ran to him and they all wanted to hug him, we love when daddy comes home and to climb on his leg and sit on his foot. He couldn't do any of it. He had to turn them away and not do those things that he loves to come home to everyday to. It hurts him. I know it hurts him more than physically. I know that time will heal him. But it sucks right now. One persons split second mistake hits my husbands car and causes this accident. I know it was an accident. I feel bad for being so mad. But right now I am hurting. I hate thinking about what could of happened. I have been having nightmares and I don't want to imagine my life how it could of been. All this has made me treasure our time we have together. I just wish this painful part would go away. Go away so we can go camping and he can play softball on Tuesday nights like he loves to do. Heck he only got to play 2 times this season. Just go away. It sucks having to be scared to drive even just the shortest distance because we've seen what could of happened.
Please don't get me wrong. I know that we have been deeply blessed. I've been told and saw myself that he was "lucky" Heavenly Father saw that it was not his time. The amount of damage to the amount of injury doesn't add up. I do thank Heavenly father that he spared my husband and the father of my boys every time I look at him or think about him. I just need to be mad for a little bit.