Do Over

The other day one of my friends posted a question to her Facebook friends that said something like this, "if you could go back and change something about your past or you could undo something you did would you?" When I read this of course my brain starts flashing back to some of the stupid things I've done in my life. Yes I am not perfect and at times I decided it was easier to give up what I knew was right and went down a scary path. I am not proud of the choices I made back than. I've told myself a ton of times I wish I never would of done this or done that. 

As I've pondered on this question for a couple of weeks now, maybe even beat myself up a little because I really can't believe I was that stupid, I've started to grow a different opinion. I am who I am today because of the experiences I've been through. I've learned tough lessons I wouldn't of learned and have grown to be more understanding of those that may be going through something similar. I try to see beauty even in ugly times. Because at one point when I really felt the ugliest and worst in my life there were still those that could see my beauty was still there, tucked away. I am forever grateful to those that were examples to me and kept me thinking that I was not who my choices made me think I was. 

Going through the repentance process showed me that the atonement is for everyone. I remember feeling so worthless and so low, one night I laid in bed and I cried and prayed that I could feel even a little bit of love even though I didn't think I deserved it at all. I remember that was one of the hardest longest nights of my life. As I laid there after a while I kept thinking, I'm right I don't deserve to feel that love and peace. I have really screwed up. All of the sudden it started slow and it came over me. A peaceful loving feeling. I have never felt that before. I knew I was loved and I was worth it. Even if I had screwed up. The atonement is real. It's there to help us through those deep dark times. Our slates can me wiped clean and we can be forgiven and are expected to forgive ourselves. He's promised if we keep our end of the deal he will remember them no more. 

So with that in mind, why do we relive and wish we had never done this or that? Yes we all feel foolish for giving in. But that is what we are here for. To mess up, than learn and grow from those mistakes. These mistakes make us who we are today. We just choose who we will become and what we will take from our experiences. 

My Invisible Tiara

Being a mom of 4 boys I know without a shadow of doubt one of the most important things I can teach my children is who they are. I want them to know who they are and where they come from. I know it's a vital factor in them becoming who they will one day be. It will help them to grow and realize that they are important. I want to teach them that if their parents here on earth can love them with their hearts so unconditionally, they can only imagine how much their Father in Heaven loves them. 

If it is so important to me to teach my kids this and remind them as often as I can of their divine potential, than I've decided it's even more important to remind myself just as often.

Being a woman leaves me open to so many reason's to pick myself apart and tell myself why I am not "good enough." I think as we get older for some reason the phrase "I am a child of god" becomes something we teach our children but forget that we too are his children. In Primary they sing it quite often. I know it's a favorite in our house.  

In Young Women's they stand and bear witness, "We are daughter's of our Heavenly Father, who loves us and we love him." Now that we are older it's harder to hear those words we sang in Primary and recited when we were in Young Women's. The world is screaming at us that we are never good enough. If we don't feed our kids this we are bad, if we don't look or dress the part we are not pretty enough, if we are stay at home mom's we are lazy, but if we work outside the home we aren't being a good mom. I am one of those that has beat myself up for not being enough. My house is a mess, my kids eat hot dogs (lots of hot dogs) and I can't get rid of the baby weight. Even though my baby is well over a year old. (I could go on and on.) 

As I was laying in bed trying so hard to fall back asleep, I had this thought. What if we all could wear tiaras? Wouldn't that be awesome? After all we are all Princesses. A princess is a daughter of a King. And that is what we are. Heavenly Father sees us as just that. Have you ever watched a dad look his daughter,with "that look" in his eyes? I picture Heavenly Father giving us that look everyday. Not just when we are looking our best or when we have finally caught up with the laundry for the next 5 minutes. 

I know I need some help in this department. So I have an idea. I know we can't walk around wearing tiaras all day to remind us of who we are, people might get the wrong impression. So when you look in the mirror in the morning pretend your putting on your tiara. Than tell yourself, good morning "Princess."  Than Walk around all day with your head held high, because you are a Daughter of God, you are important and what you do matters. No matter what. Heavenly Father Loves you. If you happen to find yourself feeling like you're not good enough, reach up adjust it, just in case it may have slipped. But move on.  And when you feel that love, make sure you help others see their tiara too. We are all struggling in our own way. Even those we think are the most put together.
Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God
Words and Music written by Jamie Glenn
If you haven't heard this song before, look it up. It's beautiful.
Walk tall your a daughter, a child of God, be strong- please remember who you are. Try to understand you're part of his great plan. He's closer than you know- reach up, he'll take your hand. 

We now have a 4 year old!

On Novemeber 22, 2009, I walked into the labor and deliver and awkwardly said to the ladies at the desk, "Hi. I'm here for my 10:30 c-section." It was so casual. I felt like I was there for a something as simple as a hair cut. (Lol) 

By 11:35 we were holding our sweet baby boy. 

Ever since than our life has never been the same. This boy brings so much energy, laughter and love into our home. He loves helping me cook, especially cookies. He started preschool this year and his teacher says he's the biggest helper and he's learning so much. 

His favorite thing to do is follow his big brothers around and tries to do what they do. Even if it means following them to their friends house. He's a good big brother to his baby brother. Loves to make him smile. He's very curious and sometimes gets himself into trouble. But he keeps life exciting and entertaining. We love this guy! 

Happy Birthday Manning!! 

His request for his birthday breakfast was birthday pancakes. (With sprinkles) Four little ones and one shaped like a #4. 

Than for dinner homemade pizza. With a candle on the top. 

He didn't want any presents, he only asked for a party with his friends from his class and games at his party. 

His original request for a birthday cake seemed kind of hard for me to pull off, considering he wanted it to light up, growl, have a motion sensor when you walked by that said in a mean voice, "you're at my birthday party eat some cake." I did my best and he got Paw Patrol cupcakes with badges for all his friends. Close enough. Right? 

 He loved his birthday crown from school and wore it all day even when we ran errands. I hope he had a good day. 

Autumn Leaves and Giant Puddles

The boys have been off track and home all day for a week and a half now. It hasn't been that bad, I do enjoy having all my boys home during the day. Don't get me wrong after a while they do have thier moments of constant fighting and crazy abnoxious energy. 

So the other day I thought it would be a good idea to get out and try out the new jogging stroller one of my friends gave me. I told the boys they could run or ride their bikes. I kept taking pictures thinking I'd blog about the beautiful fall leaves and our fun walk. We got half way to our planned turn around spot. I asked Manning to pose for a picture and than he started dancing and trying to pull his pants down. Unsuccessful right there and than a puddle began to form at his feet.... and just like that a fun outing turned interesting. I pulled the blanket out of the stroller and wrapped him up and awkwardly put him in. The others cried as I explained to them that we had to go home. Mattix wanted to finish the walk and let him sit in his wet clothes. So our fun walk turned into a few crying kids and a frazzled mom all hurrying home and leaving behind the rather large puddle of pee. 

Oh well...It's the thought that counts. It was a fun 10 minutes. 

Licking his ring pop, sporting his fireman jacket and his awesome birthday crown he got from preschool. Even with soaking wet pants. I love this kid. 

Doggy Pile

It's been raining all day and it's cold outside. No one wants to play outside. I've tried letting the boys out to run off some energy, but it lasted 5 or so minutes. 

So here I sit, it's Daddy's late night at work, I'm done watching lame cheesy Kids show, my baby is grumpy with a fever and the boys are out of control. (As you can see in this picture.) Nights like this make me count down the minutes until daddy comes home. I need bedtime and a Hallmark Christmas movie. Maybe some popcorn and chocolate. 

Happy Friday Night! 

Happy birthday Grandpa

For Grandpa's birthday this year we couldn't decide what to buy him. We brainstormed and decided we'd take him out on a date. So we planned a trip to Cabella's. The boys had fun and I think my dad did too. I love that they got to make memories and spend time with their Grandpa. He's a pretty special guy. We sure love him. 

We saw lots of fish and even got to feed some. Manning was disappointed we couldn't go fishing. 

Grandpa taught Mason a thing or two on the fake shooting range. Like how to aim and hold the gun. He thought that was pretty neat. 

We ended up spending 2 hours there. 

We definitely had a good time. 

Happy Birthday Grandpa! We love you. 

Do fish sleep?

The other night we were getting ready for bed. Part of our routine as new pet owners is to feed the fish and turn off their light. We got it done. I got the boys to bed. Came back into the living room and the light was on again. I turned it off and went to bed. The next morning I got up and the light was already on. I asked the boys if they had already fed the fish. They said no. I commented that the light keeps coming back on. Mattix said "mom fish don't sleep. They probably don't like the dark. We need to keep the light on."

Mason asked me "do fish really not sleep?" Well I have no idea. So we did what any mom in new internet knows everything era, we googled it and found out that, fish rest but don't sleep. Apparently they can't stay still because they move their gills to keep them breathing. But they don't really know if they actually sleep. Kids are full of all sorts of questions. I guess it's a sneaky way of keeping their parents learning too. I'm constantly having to look stuff up to find the answers to their questions.