The other day one of my friends posted a question to her Facebook friends that said something like this, "if you could go back and change something about your past or you could undo something you did would you?" When I read this of course my brain starts flashing back to some of the stupid things I've done in my life. Yes I am not perfect and at times I decided it was easier to give up what I knew was right and went down a scary path. I am not proud of the choices I made back than. I've told myself a ton of times I wish I never would of done this or done that.
As I've pondered on this question for a couple of weeks now, maybe even beat myself up a little because I really can't believe I was that stupid, I've started to grow a different opinion. I am who I am today because of the experiences I've been through. I've learned tough lessons I wouldn't of learned and have grown to be more understanding of those that may be going through something similar. I try to see beauty even in ugly times. Because at one point when I really felt the ugliest and worst in my life there were still those that could see my beauty was still there, tucked away. I am forever grateful to those that were examples to me and kept me thinking that I was not who my choices made me think I was.
Going through the repentance process showed me that the atonement is for everyone. I remember feeling so worthless and so low, one night I laid in bed and I cried and prayed that I could feel even a little bit of love even though I didn't think I deserved it at all. I remember that was one of the hardest longest nights of my life. As I laid there after a while I kept thinking, I'm right I don't deserve to feel that love and peace. I have really screwed up. All of the sudden it started slow and it came over me. A peaceful loving feeling. I have never felt that before. I knew I was loved and I was worth it. Even if I had screwed up. The atonement is real. It's there to help us through those deep dark times. Our slates can me wiped clean and we can be forgiven and are expected to forgive ourselves. He's promised if we keep our end of the deal he will remember them no more.
So with that in mind, why do we relive and wish we had never done this or that? Yes we all feel foolish for giving in. But that is what we are here for. To mess up, than learn and grow from those mistakes. These mistakes make us who we are today. We just choose who we will become and what we will take from our experiences.
